The Blonde Complex

October 27 2011, 12:13 pm | Jessica Bollen

Let’s just say last Sunday morning was not one of my… umm… sunniest mornings.  I woke up on the wrong side of the wrong side of the bed, to say the least.  By the time I finally made it into my car to drive to church, I was so worked up that I literally took my hands of the wheel, closed my eyes, and screamed at the top of my lungs.  Cathartic? Yes.  Graceful? No.  Safe? Absolutely not.  The funny thing is that I actually startled myself. Ha!

You may be wondering what started me down this crazy spiral of frustration and agitation.  My husband? Nope.  Our 5-pound Chihuahua? For once, no.  A broken appliance? No ma’am.

It was my hair.   My hair, y’all.  These stupid strands of dead cells nearly frustrated me to tears. Goodness gracious, I can be ridiculous.  The root of it all (no pun intended… seriously) is that I recently decided to forego my lifetime of blonde highlights and return to my natural light brown.  While going au-natural is certainly more budget-friendly, unfortunately in my mind I equate this color to something close to pond water.  Needless to say, I haven’t been feeling so great about my “look”. It actually depresses me to think about it. After a day or two of this, I realized that after 24 years of sunny bright strands, I have (cue dramatic music)… a Blonde Complex.

What exactly is a “complex”, you may ask? Yeah, I had to look it up, too.  A complex is “a related group of emotionally significant ideas that are completely or partly repressed and that cause psychic conflict leading to abnormal mental states or behavior.” Yep, I’d say my random, horror film-worthy screaming fit qualifies me!   Other words for a complex are an obsession, fixation or preoccupation.  

Side note: No lie, the example sentence in the dictionary I used was “He had a complex about losing his hair.”  (What?? Guys have hair complexes, too? And they call us crazy…but I digress.)

The only reason I’m actually admitting this in writing (and on the Internet, no less) is because I am super confident I’m not the only woman around here who’s had a morning such as this.  As women, we get so hung up on appearance – we all have some sort of beauty complex.  For some, it may be a Makeup Complex or a Clothing Complex. For others, it’s a Body Complex or a Tanning Complex.  Whatever it is, it’s something we get so hung up on that we actually get emotional about it. When things aren't just how we like it, we get sensitive, insecure, and self-concious. Take a moment – what’s your complex? Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal it to you.  And let me just say, I doubt many of us have only one.

Luckily, I was blessed to be a part of a small group last year led by Clara Jones. We worked through a beautiful Bible study she wrote called “Loved” that is based on her own journey of discovering what it truly means to rest in the total and unconditional love of God, and to find joy on a daily basis in the Christian life.  It was a powerful truth I learned through this study that the Holy Spirit has been constantly reminding me of lately – as I mourn my blonde hair, adjust to my new momma-body, and have slightly psychotic episodes while driving down the road.

The truth is simple: Pride and Insecurity are actually two sides of the same coin.  Although at first they seem to be opposite – one being a high self-regard and arrogance, while the other is self-doubt and the lack of confidence.  Where they are the same is that they are an intense and detrimental focus on yourself.

As Christian women, however, where does Scripture say our focus should be? In Mark 12:30-31, Jesus says  “’Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.” We hear it all the time at The Summit: “Love God. Love People.”  Unfortunately, our complexes and the thought and effort we put into them accomplish neither of these commandments – instead, they help us worship ourselves.

So am I saying that from here on out, I’m never ever going to get down on myself, and neither should you? Am I now going to automatically love my brown hair because it will allow me to better love God and love people? No, I’m not that naïve.  We have a prowling enemy who adores whispering lies to women about themselves in order to distract them from their Father and His promises.  What I am saying, however, is that next time I feel myself getting worked up about one of my physical insecurities, I pray that the Lord will remind me to simply lift my eyes.  Lift my eyes off the mirror, away from myself, and onto Him. 

I pray that in those moments when I want to take my hands off the wheel, close my eyes, and just scream because I hate myself, He will, in His infinite grace, lovingly remind me to stop focusing inward, and turn to Christ. Where instead of continuing to walk down the dark path of insecurity and internal fixation, I will walk a lighted path with Christ that frees me to praise our Creator and to consider others before myself. 

My complex is now a red flag, a useful spiritual indicator that I’ve lost sight of where I truly want to focus. And isn’t it amazing how life changes when we focus on Him instead of ourselves or this world??

“Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” Hebrews 12:2

 

Comments

blog comments powered by Disqus