October 26 2011, 1:26 pm | Danny Jones
I have always had a difficulty choosing. I take months looking for the right pair of jeans, decide if I should attend this conference or that one, or know if I should support one cause or another. I don’t like saying no to great or even good options, and this dilemma causes me problems. But life really is largely about knowing when to say no. While we acknowledge the benefits of saying no with areas of evil, we struggle or even experience guilt when the options are “good”. This becomes even more complicated in discipleship when we begin to say no to people. But if I don’t get a handle on this, I will overextend myself and find my discipleship ineffective.
We don’t have to go far to find an example. Jesus said no to the majority, and yes to few. He did it in the initial choosing and did it even within the context of the 12. He was minimalizing in order to maximize effective outcome. Less often is actually more! Because this seems counter intuitive to ministry, we default to the “yes quagmire” and then struggle with guilt due to shallow effectiveness. Jesus didn’t have a problem saying no to 108 who joined the 11 disciples who waited for the Holy Spirit in Acts 1. He didn’t have a problem saying no to Mathias and Barsabbas, who were “with him from the beginning” but never mentioned in the Gospels. He knew that Andronicus and Junias would be “outstanding apostles” working in the church in Rome (Romans 16), but we have no record of him spending time with them. He said no to many and we must learn to be ok with this. Logic itself says that in saying yes to one I say no to a myriad of others.
In discipleship, we have to choose and say yes to the few and no to the majority in various contexts for differing reasons. To me it seems that it would have been very awkward for Jesus to tell 9 to stay at the bottom of the Mount of Olives and yes to Peter, James and John going with him to meet Moses and Elijah. And even more awkward would have been the return when the 9 found out what they missed. But Christ did this with no problem. I have to be willing to choose.
In my years of discipling, I have found the following factors helpful in this process.
1. Ask the Holy Spirit to clearly lead in the choice through confirmation in my own spirit. At times he will also confirm this in the heart of the one I will disciple, but at other times that person won’t know I am committing myself to this process. I do this through prayer. Jesus spent an entire night in prayer before his choice. Need I do less?
2. There is always chemistry in relationships, even discipleship relationships. Don’t discount this! It isn’t always the criteria that should dominate my choice, but don’t discount it. If I can relate better to someone for any reason, it is going to influence my ability to lead and disciple. Keep in mind however, that the Holy Spirit may bring an exception to this into your life. But don’t assume that the person(s) you are to disciple are people you cannot relate to.
3. Don’t be afraid to choose in the context of preexisting relationships. Jesus pulled a bunch of brothers and fishing buddies together. He also threw some antagonists like Matthew and Simon the Zealot into the mix, but for the most part he used established relationships. There is a powerful element to this, both because of the relationships and because of the group dynamic.
4. Make clear your intention of wanting to be committed to a relationship for a period of time. You don’t have to use the word “disciple”. That will either be assumed or become evident. Just let them know that you want some intentional relationship time and that together you will learn how to better follow Christ. One day, with grins on their faces, they will say, “You discipled us, didn’t you? Thanks!”