6 reasons WHY I shouldn’t have a blog, and WHY you should read it

January 06 2011, 2:59 pm | Daniel Bollen

6. I just spent three hours reading different tips on how to make a blog engaging, unique, and worth reading.  Despite my disdain for spending that much time on researching cheesy blog tips, I now have an arsenal of literary devices and blog beautify tips that will make your brain x‘splode.  (Warning: do not read in public if you are prone to brain ‘slpoding)

5.  Oxymorons, analogies, metaphors, and similes are my friend.  Like Andy Warhol, “I am a deeply superficial person”. (just be patient… it will come to you)

4.  I work with teenagers… If kids say/do the darndest things, then teenagers (and people who work with teenagers for that matter) say/do the dumbest things. 

3.  I am like a buffet, there’s a lot of variety to choose from, and don’t worry, I have the good ranch dressing*…

2.  I have severe ADHD and I don’t take my medicine because it makes my heart feel weird. Translation… its hard for me to write a single sentence without adding a side-note, analogy, or a little anecdote that I feel will influence your life in ways that Ghandi, Obama or your Mama never could.

1.  Finally... Your chances of becoming a millionaire are significantly increased every time you read one of my posts.  How are you that awesome you might ask... I will reveal my secrets in exactly 2,515,968,000 seconds... after all, I don't want to dangle this information out there so that any ol' blogger out there could steal my secrets...

 

*For those of you who don’t get the ranch statement... think back to the last time you went to a place with an all you can eat buffet… after getting the essentials… fried chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy (white or brown depending on the day obviously), macaroni and cheese, and some black eyed peas perhaps (these are just my particular favorites, feel free to insert whatever you prefer)… you know you have to stop by the salad bar to get a variety of different vegetables and toppings that you won’t be able to finish… and that’s when you get to one of the most important parts of your visit… which dressing you are going to use on your salad… after all, you just constructed the perfect blend of carrots, crutons, cucumbers, cheese, (unintentional alliteration, but you know you like it) and spinach (iceberg lettuce is the double cheeseburger of the lettuce family… sure it taste good, but there is absolutely no nutritional value whatsoever… which is why it is super cheap) that you would be doing a great injustice to your salad if you ruined it with a bad dressing… so you pick your favorite (mine happens to be ranch)… drown your beautiful salad with this delightful nectar so that you are now having soup and salad… head back to your seat… sample your culinary masterpiece… only to find that they have some disgusting form of your favorite dressing! So you spit out that bite, push your salad away, and don’t take another bite of your salad for the rest of the meal… again I say... “don’t worry, I have the good ranch dressing”

Comments

blog comments powered by Disqus